Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
