yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Randomize
