We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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