Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I touched a dick in church today
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
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