I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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