My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Couch. On fire.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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