No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
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