The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
