It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I came so hard my ears popped.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
