Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
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