and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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