never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
