I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
