She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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