You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
