I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
