How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
