I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Randomize
