My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
