I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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