onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Randomize
