It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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