you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
