If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Vodka?
Forever.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
