The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
