i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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