Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Randomize
