Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
