the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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