I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
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