kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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