Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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