paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
me + whiskey = a bad person
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
