im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
