3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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