you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
