I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
