plz talk dirty to me
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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