Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Soap is not a condiment
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
