I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
