All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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