I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Randomize
