Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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