Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I got inside last night via doggy door
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
