i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
