I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
