All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
