he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
