What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
