i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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