Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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