The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
