he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He? As in you personified your dick?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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