i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I checked into jail on foursquare
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
