listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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